Obedience Brings Blessings: A humbling lesson was learned today.

Today I experienced something so miraculous I’m still having a hard time fully processing it. I’ve seen God work wonders and miracles throughout my life, some big like the birth of my children, and others smaller. All still miracles none the less. But usually I didn’t recognize the miracle for what it fully was until after it happened. Of course the beauty and time of pregnancy is a wonderful, but I could never fully process the miracle of each incredible child God blesses my husband and I with until the day I hold them in my arms for the very first time and officially get to meet them. However today, I witnessed this particular miracle, I felt it, I was fully present for the entirety of it knowing exactly what was happening while it was happening.

Now to most, what I’m deeming as a miracle today, some just see as a cool thing that happened or a great connection that was made. And while that may be true, I believe it doesn’t give full credit to what happened. Not only did a wonderful blessing happen for our family, but I was humbled, my faith restored, and I felt a weight being lifted from my shoulders. And to me, that’s a miracle.

So what happened? My husband and I are on a journey this year to get our debt paid off. We are very serious about it which means no vacations, no frivolous spending, just sticking to a tight budget. However, living a more holistic lifestyle is more expensive because insurance companies won’t pay for anything actually healthy for you. We are opting for a home birth with this baby because after two hospital births with minor interventions, it’s been my dream to deliver our next baby in the comfort of our home. But to do that, we need to come up with the funds upfront and have everything paid in full prior to the baby being delivered. We also have some other health related expenses to consider as well as the costs of beginning our homestead that need covered by spring. With these mounting financial obligations on the horizon, I started to become anxious about how we would cover these costs in a timely manor. A potential business began to lag and then the scope was reduced there by not providing an anticipated path forward that I was hoping would come to fruition.

Then this morning I woke up feeling drained and defeated. I hadn’t seen the anticipated fruits of my labors like I was hoping to at this point with the business opportunities and that worry started to take over. I could feel the devil clinging to me, encouraging me to spiral into self-sabotage. I called my husband and asked him to pray for me. To pray for us. And after we got off the phone, I began to bawl. Ugly cry, bawl my eyes out cry. I felt confused how some people make it seem like they can pull money out of thin air with their business but it’s hard for me to grow mine. My faith was absolutely lacking. I know God always provides, but I wasn’t believing it this morning. As I was sitting in our recliner crying my eyes out, I stared at our icon of Christ in the corner across from me. Then I yelled at Him. Yep, I yelled at Jesus. Not my proudest moment, but I had a priest once tell me it’s totally normal to be mad at God, just like you’d get mad at any parent. And you should absolutely bring that anger to Him when you’re mad. The problem is when you turn away from Him.

Thank goodness my daughter was in her bedroom otherwise I probably would’ve looked like an insane person to her just yelling at an icon while floods of tears poured from my eyes. Money has never been easy for me. Growing up with zero good examples of money management, it’s always been a burden in my life. Now with student loans and learning the hard way about credit cards, it’s still a burden. And I am exhausted. I yelled out loud, “God, please take this burden away! I will do ANYTHING, just please remove this burden. Allow us to provide for our children a better future, to pay off our debts, to be able to give so much to our church and the community. I promise we will be good stewards, I have learned from my mistakes, please remove this burden.”

Now I was by no means trying to bargain a deal with God. Just pleading for help. I don’t want to be focused on money or worried about worldly things. And that is such a hard battle to balance especially in today’s world when everything is so expensive. I don’t want to be consumed with the anxiety of money. I hate that I allowed myself to be blinded by the fear of not having enough. As I’m pleading to God, I begged Him to talk to me, to show me something. Then the book Deuteronomy pops into my head as if it had been placed there by God answering my prayers. I opened by book to Deuteronomy, a book I haven’t even read yet, and turned to chapters 7&8. Here’s an excerpt from what it said:

“For the Lord your God is bringing you into a good and great land, where torrents of waters and springs of bottomless depths flow through the plains and through the mountains; a land of wheat and barely, of vines, fig trees, and pomegranates, a land of olive oil and honey; a land where you will not eat your bread in poverty, and in which you will lack nothing; a land whose stones are iron and from whose hills you can dig copper. This you shall eat and be full and bless the Lord your God for the good land He gave you.

Watch yourself, that you do not forget the Lord your God by not keeping His commandments, judgements, and ordinances I command you today, lest- when you have eaten and are full, and have built beautiful houses and dwell in them, and when your cattle and sheep multiple, and your silver and gold are multiples, and all you have is multiplied, when your heart is lifted up and you forget the Lord your God who brought you from the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage… He might deal harshly with you and might test you, to do good in the end of your days.”  - Deuteronomy 8:6-17

I knew right away God was reassuring me that He would protect and provide for us, but I needed to remain centered on HIM. Keep HIM as the focus of my businesses, that HIS message is what I’m sharing. That was the first part of the miracle today.

After I calmed down, I packed up my kids and went to my in-laws. At my in-laws, I received a phone call regarding a potential business opportunity and it wasn’t the business opportunity I was hoping for. The scope had been reduced and the amount of work required of me would not be enough to cover the anticipated costs on the horizon for our family. Right as I hung up the phone, my mother-in-law got home from her grocery shopping. I tell her what happened and she proceeds to tell me, “the weirdest thing happened last night. I received a phone call from a business asking if I do social media management. Obviously I don’t, but you do. You should give them a call.” Immediately I called the business and the owner was so excited to chat about the potential for social media management. I asked my mother-in-law if she could watch the kids for a minute so I could run over to the business and meet them.

I take one step inside this little store that I’ve driven past so many times and immediately fall in love with it. It is such a hidden gem that more people need to know about. And even better, the owner is one of the most wholesome, down to earth people I’ve ever met. She proceeds to tell me that she’s been praying for someone to help her with her social media and my coming today was an answer to her prayers. After touring the store and having conversations with her, I provided a rough-draft strategy for her next steps for her brand and social media. In my conversation with her, I realized this is not about the money, this is about the connection. I offered to start at a smaller monthly payment and each month we’d touch base to see her business growth and in turn, grow my contracted amount. As her and I are talking logistics and numbers, she says, “Jill, I want you. You just being here answered my prayers. I want to pay you what you deserve and hope to do that with the growth you could bring us. And I love that you’re willing to grow with me. I can’t give you the full amount of what you’re worth, yet. But what do you need?”

What do I need? I asked her if I could be transparent with her. I explained how my husband and I are trying to raise money quickly, and how my other business opportunities weren’t coming together as I originally anticipated. I told her everything, about how I prayed and yelled at God this morning while crying. But how miraculous it was that my mother-in-law got a random phone call about social media management and now I’m sitting there talking with her. I said, “I know what I need financially in February, March, April, and then May for my family’s anticipated expenses. This is what I need in February to cover my next midwife appointment at the end of the month.” The smile that crossed her face as she lit up and yelled, “I CAN DO THAT!” And she ran for her checkbook and immediately wrote a check for the amount that I needed. I was shaking, I couldn’t believe what was happening. I gave her the biggest hug and couldn’t thank her enough. That amount relieved a chunk of a burden from me this month, and the work I’m doing for her is relieving a burden for her. God put us together for a reason and man was I humbled by that because obviously this was a path I never foresaw, but here it was. The miracle was unfolding for the both of us. For her business, and for my family.

I was humbled as God reminded me to not allow my faith in Him to be shaken. I was reminded to not let fear of lacking or money consume me. Money in itself is not evil, the love of money is evil. I would say the fear of not having enough of it is the same as loving it. Both fearing and loving money take your focus off God and place it on worldly things and selfish desires. Money, when blessed with it, can be a tool to do amazing things. But we shouldn’t attach emotion to money. It’s simply a tool. I needed that reminder. I also needed the reminder of staying focused on what I truly need. I was so excited about my other business opportunities that I was looking at new cars and talking about house projects that weren’t necessary. I wasn’t centered on what I needed. I need to pay my midwife, I need to build the chicken run, I need the home birth supplies, and I need to take whatever money is left and throw it at our debt. I need to prove to God that I truly can be a good steward of His blessings.

And so as I close out this blog, my only hope is that you receive whatever message it is God wants you to receive from this. Before I began typing, I prayed that God would write my words. And I pray now that these words are what He needed you to receive in some way. I have no idea what His plan is in me sharing this. But I do know His plan is good, because it always is. And His best plans are the ones that take us by surprise.